Puck's and Finn's Predicament
by chasenwilsonsmistress
Summary: Puck and Finn have a little problem after an away game.  All athletes who are -ahem- well-hydrated should have this problem, if you know what I mean. One Shot. No slash unless you change my ending. M for language/to be on the safe side.


**A/N**: Set not too long after Puck joins New Directions, so early season one before our favorite footballers really know Mike and way before Kurt is the kicker, so that's why I don't mention them.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters!

It was still early the season. Amazingly, they were only one touchdown behind in the second half. Much to Coach Tanaka's dismay, Puck got himself sidelined for holding just as they were about to catch up. It wasn't his first offense of the game, so he found himself sitting out the rest of the night. He cursed under his breath watching Finn fumble the ball. They were going to lose anyway, but still…

Tanaka checked his watch. Figgins had set up some weird rule about what time they had to be back under Sue's insistence that her Cheerios had to be home by a certain time to get their beauty rest ("God knows some of them need it," she had said). It would take an hour to get back and they had a little under an hour to arrive by the Cheerios' curfew. Fearing they would need to make a quick getaway, Ken had made the team bring their things with them after halftime and keep them on the sidelines. Sure enough, the clock was ticking down and Sue was bellowing orders at the Cheerios with the help of her bullhorn. Not wanting to be blamed for holding up progress, Tanaka ushered his team onto the waiting buses as soon as they were done going down the line and exchanging "good game"s with the home team.

Rolling his eyes at the ridiculousness of having to be back at a certain time, Puck grabbed his things and stood up. It was then that he realized something he hadn't while sitting down. Why hadn't he gone to the bathroom at halftime? Oh yeah, he had to listen to the coach yell at them for the whole 15 minutes. Well, that was a mistake he'd have to feel for the whole ride back.

Finn and Puck took the very back seats of the bus. It wasn't long before Finn noticed his best friend was uncomfortable about something. He kept bouncing his leg and shifting in his seat. This wasn't an "I'm planning something illegal and/or immoral" type deal. This was an "I'm worried about something" type deal. Of course, that could involve something illegal/immoral too, but something told him it didn't.

"Dude, what's up?"

"Nothing, just can't wait to get back to school. That's all."

"Since when can you not wait to get to school?"

"Since now, ok?"

"Ok. Sure nothing's wrong, though?"

"I'm sure."

"Alright, I just thought you were having trouble sitting still…more than usual, you know?"

"Fine! You wanna know what my problem is?"

Puck proceeded to mumble the answer.

"What was that?"

"I HAVE TO PEE!"

"That's all? You'll be fine. I kind of have to go, too."

"I bet not as bad as me. Tanaka won't get the bus to pull over thanks to this curfew shit and I'm not ruining a good water bottle. A cheap one, maybe, but not the good ones we use over and over again, which is all we have."

"Calm down, you're making me have to go worse. We'll be back before you think."

The two distracted themselves from their plight by playing games. They knew they were gonna have bruises from all the punch buggies. And people from every other state seemed to be flocking to Ohio, so neither of them could win the license plate game. Especially since they both kept losing count of the states they had seen anyway. They were halfway back to school when Puck suddenly stopped playing and jammed his hands between his legs.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, that's exactly why I'm grabbing myself. Of course not!"

"Did anything get out?"

"No, but it was close. I can't take it anymore. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING I CAN PISS IN?"

"PUCKERMAN! No need to be crude! Nobody give him anything."

"We weren't gonna help that loser, anyway."

"And Puckerman, the floor better be dry when we get back. Same goes for your pants. Got it?"

"Got it, Coach."

In reality, he didn't think he had.

"Fuck, man. I can't hold much longer."

"Me neither."

"I have half a mind to piss myself right not and call it an accident. The other half doesn't wanna deal with the consequences for once, so I won't."

"I'm sure we'll be fine if we just don't concentrate on it."

The two went back to playing stupid games, but there are only so many levels of Angry Birds a person can play at a time. They then went on to talk about girls in the hopes of getting turned on and saving themselves from embarrassment that way because boners could be hidden better with their duffel bags than the sizeable wet spots the two were liable to create. Eventually, the two gave up on trying to distract themselves and let each other concentrate on not humiliating themselves. Both hands were between their legs and they were rocking back and forth. Puck leaned forward and rested his forehead on the seat in front of him. It was then that the bus pulled into the school parking lot.

Finn and Puck were faced with a difficult situation. Any of the guys would immediately recognize their predicament. Therefore, after Tanaka gave his speech about their playing and how they should hurry up because he wanted to go home too and he'd be waiting out front to make sure everyone went home, they made sure they were the last ones off the bus. Puck saw an advantage to being last where no one could see them.

"Let's just whip 'em out right here and get it over with."

"No way! You can't just piss anywhere on school grounds. There's cameras and shit."

"What are you, fucking scared?"

"No! It's just…we've made it this far, we can make it a little further."

"You go ahead, I'm good right here."

"Guess you're not up for the challenge of making it all the way back."

That did it. Up until then, he was fine with risking suspension if caught by surveillance cameras, which he would've had no problem waving at. Puck was not backing down from a challenge, though. In case of disaster, the two took a back route that no one knew about to the locker room. Sure, it was extra time, but that extra time gave the other guys a chance to get out so no one would see them struggling to hold on or failing to do so. Their need for relief was great, but their need to save face was greater. Being in Glee had done enough bad things for their reputations, pissing themselves would only make things worse.

They made their way down the hall quickly and as stealthily as possible in cleats in case they heard anyone coming and needed to act cool for a bit. They were lucky not to run into anyone and continued at a good pace. Finn stopped short.

"Oh my God, I'm losing it!"

He quickly grabbed himself, then checked his pants for any sign of damage. Fortunately, there were none.

"We'll be fine, eh?"

"Yeah, well these pants don't really help guys in our situation."

They kept going for a short while. They had lost some speed as it was becoming painful to walk. This time, Puck stopped short.

"Oh great, now I'm losing it!"

He also grabbed himself. He squeezed his legs together for a few seconds before regaining control. Again, there was nothing to show for his momentary lapse.

"I don't know about yours, but my underwear's definitely wet. Good thing I wore some today. I wasn't gonna say this, but it got a bit wet on the bus. Anything more, and it'll show."

"Mine is, too. Let's keep going."

They knew everyone had to be gone by now. They hoped Tanaka wasn't checking the locker room for any last-minute holdouts. They were back in stealth mode as they approached the locker room in case Tanaka was indeed there. He wasn't, and that proved to be a very good thing. As soon as they stepped inside the locker room, it was as if something snapped inside of them, making them about to do something they had not done in over a decade because even Puck had never been _that _drunk. They stood there with horrified looks on their faces as the floodgates opened and they wet their pants. They exchanged said horrified looks before looking down in almost perfect unison at what they had done.

"He meant the bus floor, right? That way, I've only failed one of his requirements."

"I'm pretty sure, though we're screwed anyway unless our pants get washed asap."

As athletes, they had to stay well-hydrated. Therefore, it wasn't surprising to see that they were wet to their cleats and had left a bit of a puddle. It took a few seconds for them to recover from the shock of what had just happened.

"I've done it now, what kind of badass pisses his pants?"

"Chill, no one knows but us and it's staying that way. Let's get showered and get out."

They cleaned up the mess on the floor and headed off to the showers. Both of them were wondering what they'd tell their mothers about this. _Just another thing for her to make fun of me for_, Puck thought. At least Finn's mom would be a little more understanding. Had they known where to find extra pairs of football pants, they would've thrown out the wet ones in favor of some new ones. As it was, though, they just took their wet things home to wash. At least they knew their secret was safe between the two of them.


End file.
